"Mou Kame, stop walking so fast!"
There was a reversal of roles as the one leading the pair was the usually sluggish member of the group.
"Gaki-san!"
She called out in her distinct voice which carried a slight whiny tone as she folded her arms to pout cutely at me.
"If you continue lagging like this, we won't be able to finish visiting all the shops in the mall."
With my mouth hanging open, the very astonished sub-leader of Morning Musume aka me, could only gap in disbelief at the tone which was being taken. Aren't I normally the one nagging at her to speed up?
"I understand if you want to finish looking at everything but there is still another two hours to go till 4 pm."
Jogging back to where I was standing with an annoyed expression, the taller girl (unfortunately she was taller by a few centimeters) pouted again as she tugged on my arm.
"Come on Gaki-san. I don't want to be late when I meet Reina later."
"Okay, fine. Whatever you say Kame."
Allowing Eri to drag me along as she resumed her brisk walking, I looked away and pretended to be peering at the items on display in the numerous glitzy shop windows. In actuality, I was hiding my downcast expression. Eri had a sharp eye when it came to detecting whether someone was feeling upset and I didn't want to have to start explaining the reason for my current depressed mood. After all, a love confession wasn't the easiest thing in the world to talk about.
-----
"Kawaii~!"
Picking up a bath towel with the image of ? printed on it, you muttered as you ran your hand over the soft material.
"I'm getting this!"
No sooner had you proclaimed your decision, you caught sight of a hand written sign which stated that all the towels in the basket were on offer. There was a 2 for 1 special deal and the savings amount was quite substantial.
"I don't really need 2 towels. I guess I won't be getting it then."
You put back the pink color towel with a forlorn expression and I immediately noticed how reluctant you were to leave the shop.
"I could get a towel too."
"Hontoni? Gaki-san!"
Grabbing once again onto my arm, you leaned your head on my shoulder before rubbing your cheek against it. You didn't know but this simple action was enough to make me melt into a puddle of goo. It's clear I've got it bad for you.
"That will be (?) yen thank you."
You were standing to the side waiting for me to make payment when a jingle sounded from your purse. Your entire face lit up with anticipation and you excitedly accessed the message to read its contents.
"This is your change. Please come again!"
Tearing my line of sight away from you, I collected the money from the cashier to keep in my wallet. When I was done, I walked up to you. This time, you no longer had that happy aura about you.
"What's wrong?"
-----
The little cafe wasn't that crowded on this weekday afternoon and we managed to get a seat in the corner by the window overlooking to the street below. Sitting opposite one another, I watched you sip your drink in silence. You alternated between drinking the soda and chewing on the straw. You were in a daze and I knew your present state was due to the message you had received. Reaching over to pick up your cellphone which had been absentmindedly placed on the table, I flipped it open.
"Tanakacchi probably has something important to see to."
Trying to come up with a convincing explanation for Reina's third consecutive no show in this week, I patted your hand which was gripping onto the glass. Nevertheless, my efforts at consoling you did nothing to ease the hurt that you were feeling. At that moment, I wished I had the ability to take away all your pain, that I could be the one to make you smile again.
Ignoring my own beverage which was fast becoming cold, I got out of my seat and slithered into the small booth beside you. Bringing you close to me, I let you cling onto me as you sobbed. I did not try to wipe the tears from your eyes because I knew if I so much as took a single glance at how sad your beautiful face was right now, my resolve would crumble and I’ll end up telling you how much I really loved you.
"I'm sorry to have wasted your day like this."
You were referring to calling me out at the last minute with the promise of shopping together and not going through with that promise. You didn't know that I didn't mind just sitting here letting you weep into my chest because you meant so much more to me than being able to complete some pointless shopping.
We do almost everything
That lovers do
And that why's it's hard
Just to be friends with you
Every time your heart is broken by the fool
I want you to know
That it hurts me too
It's hard to wipe your tears away
Knowing that you should be with me
After an indeterminable length of time, you finally stopped crying and tore yourself away from my soaked shirt.
"Gomene Gaki-san. Your clothes are a mess."
"Daijoubu Kame-han."
Giving you a small smile, I tried to make you feel better by calling out your latest nickname which we had thought up for each other.
"Arigatou Gaki-san. You're always here when I need someone by my side. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you as a friend."
Although the smile on my face remained intact, my heart was feeling terrible. It was as if someone had reached into my chest and was pulling on my heart, twisting and turning it until I could no longer breath. This sensation was all too familiar to me as I have ever experienced it before. It was precisely because of this that I didn't want to go through it again. Yet, I fell in love for the second time and once again, it was with somebody who would never reciprocate my feelings.
Now tell me why, why are we still friends
When everything says
We should be more than we are
And tell me why
Every time I find someone that I like
We always end up just being friends
-----
"Take a nice hot bath when you get home and don't dwell on it anymore."
We were standing at the entrance of your apartment building as I had insisted on sending you home. Nodding back at me, you waved before spinning around on your heel and pushing open the glass doors. Watching your retreating back, I had the sudden urge to tell you something.
"Kame!"
"Huh? What is it?"
Turning around to face me, you asked unsure.
Why don't you leave Tanakacchi? There is someone who cherishes you more.
Nonetheless, those words didn't leave my lips. A part of me wanted you to end your relationship with Reina and realize that I have been here all along. But another side of me was afraid that you would run to Sayumin after the breakup. She was so much closer to you as compared to me and I was certain she would treasure you more than Reina. If that happened, you would no longer need me. I would lose the role of being the person whom you could call on at random times to hang out with you.
I would hate for you to find somebody new
Who you really love
Cause it would mean losing you
But am I a fool girl not to say
If I'm always scared I'll lose you anyway
Somehow someway I've got to choose
(Got to choose) No matter if it's win or lose
"Good night."
"Good night Gaki-san."
In the end, all I could muster was an ordinary greeting. Sometimes I really hated myself for being so cowardly. Why couldn't I just come out and say it? Why couldn't I have been the one to tell you about my affections instead of Tanakacchi?
You walked up to the elevator and pressed on the button, not realizing that I hadn't left despite of the frosty winds that I was subjected to while standing out in the street. I stayed until you vanished inside the elevator before I departed.
Now tell me why, why are we still friends
When everything says
We should be more than what we are
And tell me why
Every time I find someone that I like
We always end up just being friends
-----
*Random Melody*
I fished out my cellphone when I heard jingle of my new message alert emit from my cellphone.
Are you on the way home? Let me know when you arrive okay? Oyasumi Gaki-han!
A smile crept onto my face as I read the short message. It consisted of only a few sentences but it was enough for me. You were never someone who relished in sending text messages thus receiving one from you was almost as rare as seeing a meteor shower.
I just entered my house. How is your bath? Don't fall asleep inside the tub again.
Yada Gaki-han! Stop making fun of me. Did you forget what happened at the concert?
You paid for my meals again today as I forgot to bring enough money. Going out with you is better than with my siblings.The screen of my phone lit up for a third time and I let my arm fall back to my side after reading your last message.
Good night for real Gaki-han. My eyelids are getting heavy...
I knew you would undoubtedly have fallen asleep by this time. Raising my head to look at your bedroom window, I saw the lights go out. Your mother must have switched them off after coming in to check on you. You tended to fall asleep leaving everything on.
After another ten minutes of staring at a pitch black window, I at last left the sidewalk which I have been loitering on all this time. I had lied about my whereabouts. While you were snug and warm at home, I had been battling the freezing temperatures as I stood beneath your apartment.
I don't know why I did this every time I saw you home. I just knew I didn't want to be too far away from you. I know I'm being silly to think like this but I couldn't help it. I didn’t want you to see me as a sibling or another good friend.
"Can you ever let me into your life as someone other than a dependable senpai?"
I don't wanna be like your brother
I don't wanna be your best friend
I only wanna be your lover
When will this end?
If I told you that I wanna be in your life?
Then you could be the woman in mine
I didn't realize that I had unknowingly typed that line into my phone. Deciding that it didn't matter since no one would be seeing it, I added another sentence.
I want to be more than a friend to you Kame.
(Why) Why are we just friends?
No sooner had I finished typing that, the sound of screeching tires exploded in my ears and I looked up just in time to see the headlights of a car coming straight at me...
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