On the way to work i kept thinking about Reina and her passport issue. Since i dont check H!O a lot now im not sure what is her status. But I'm sure she was super angry on that day when she realised someone lost her passport which made her unable to reach Hawaii on the first day. Of all people it had to be the Yankee. Poor staff member who had to endure her wrath. I wonder how she demostrated her unhappiness. Threw things, screamed, scolded or kicked people?
No matter how much weight Gaki loses or how skinny she is, her waist can never be as slim as Ai. Neither can Reina attain such high levels of the perfect figure. It's stranger for Tanakacchi since she is so much thinner.
4 comments:
Hey, I know it's been a freaking long time since I last saw you. Since I last spoke to you. I know it feels like we've all forgotten, that we don't care...hell, it might even be true since we were all busy with our own lives.
I don't even know where to start. But I was reading your posts, and I felt...almost guilty. I'd be more guilty, but fuck, I've had so much fucking drama in my own life that I don't feel as bad as I probably should. But despite everything, even though sometimes it feels like I just don't know what to say to you anymore, I am still your friend. Your absent, distant, no-sound-no-picture until you think I'm dead or don't give a damn kind of friend. Maybe you don't even consider me your friend anymore. But well. I still consider you my friend. Even if I haven't tried to be a friend. Bad of me, really. I should try to save everyone around me cos I'm really Superwoman in disguise. *ironic* XD
I shouldn't be joking huh? Maybe I don't understand how you feel...or rather, even if I say I understand, you are likely to not believe me. I know how that works. Been through that kinda shit before. The world doesn't care. What use is it if I am here? No one needs me. I'm just the person people use and discard. I am forgotten once I get past my use-by date. Why would anyone care if I die? Maybe they won't even notice if I'm not here...
All these things. You've thought them. You probably even believe them. So have I, so do I. I used to wonder why you seem so unlike an Aries. We're both Aries, remember? Then I finally took time to look, and realized that hey, we're not so different after all. Maybe that doesn't matter to you. But it matters to me. Because I've been there. It's a dark place. A cold room. Everything hurts and you can't step out. You can't, because every part of you is screaming and damnit, the light hurts. The darkness hurts too, but it hurts less.
Nothing feels real. You're here but not really. You're not really living. You look at yourself in the mirror and hate every bit of it. You get bitter and depressed over it. You don't want to hate, but you do. It's easy to turn that hatred on yourself. It's a battle I still fight. It doesn't get easier, but I've learned to cope, if only a little.
I want to help. I don't know how I can help, because I'm not even sure how I made it past the worst parts in my life. I want to tell you things can get better, but then I can't guarantee it will. I'm still struggling too. I need to be needed. I guess you do too. I don't know how to make you feel needed though. I guess the only thing I can do now is tell you that, you know, I'm still around, even if I'm the worst jerkass bastard of a friend who goes MIA all the time and doesn't seem to give a flying fuck about you. I want to be a better friend. Because no one deserves to be in that dark place. It sucks. I don't want to go back there either, and I don't want to leave you there. I really don't know how to help, but I want to help, if you will let me.
I suppose I should at least explain why I stopped talking to you. I didn't know what to say to you. I'm bad at starting topics. You know how it's like with the rest. They start a topic, I just hop on and hope that I don't screw up too badly. I don't have anything to start with myself. I only want to talk about the things I like, but I also feel like people don't really care or understand the things I like. That's why I remain silent. That's why you remain silent too, isn't it? We don't want to feel like the odd one out. We don't want to be even weirder than we already are.
So we withdraw. We stop connecting, try to convince ourselves that the only thing we need is ourselves. That we don't need anyone else, so that we can't hurt others. So that others can't get to us. We are only trouble to them. They don't need us. We don't want to need them either. Why can't they need us? Why am I not good enough for them?
Familiar patterns. Even now, I still fall back to this kind of thinking from time to time. It's my greatest weakness, my worst failing. Maybe I'm being presumptuous by assuming that you feel the same way. Maybe I'm completely wrong and making a complete ass of myself here. But you know what? I don't care. I am me. This is who I am. I respect you enough to be complete honest with you. It's what you deserve. Not more lies. Not more soothing words.
Ok maybe the soothing words would be nice. But I'm not a person who knows how to give sympathy. I'm not good at it. I can only let you know that you're not alone. I know how it's like. I want to hear from you. I want to know what's going on. I care about what you think. Tell me so I can be my kaypoh self. XD I am completely self-centered and it would please me to be able to be of help. To be of use. I don't care if you think I'm an idiot. I think I'm an idiot anyway, so it's no great loss. XD
I think you have it in you to be brave too. These demons that plague you may never really leave you alone, but one day you'll be able to stand up and give them a big FUCK OFF and make them shut up, at least for a little while. It won't be easy. But I just want to know that I care about you, even though we've drifted apart. I regret drifting apart from you too, you know. But it felt like, back then, that you didn't have anything to say to me, because you seemed to enjoy the company of the others more. So I did the only sane thing (to me) and withdrew. That's my only excuse. I felt like you didn't need me and I turned away to save myself the pain of being rejected openly. Sound familiar? XD But I guess that was a wrong move. I didn't mean to stop being your friend. I just...didn't know how to be an interesting enough person for you. I'm not a fun person. I'm too serious. I don't really know how to be the life of a party like you know who. That's not who I am. I'm sorry if you think I abandoned you like everyone else. But I know not everything is about me. But I'm sorry to be part of that cold, faceless mass who turned their backs on you. It's not what I intended. That's my only excuse. But I won't make any more excuses.
I want to be able to help. For you. For myself. I'm completely egocentric. But that doesn't mean I don't care. I don't know if you believe me. Maybe you don't. That's cos I'm selfish. It's true. Doesn't mean I'm a heartless asshole though. Talk to me if you want. Ignore me if you think I'm just talking a whole bunch of meaningless crap. I am here. We could meet up if you want. I'm busy, but I can make time. If you don't want to see me, that's ok too. If you don't wanna talk, you can just ignore this.
Just know this: you are in my thoughts. You are my friend, even if you no longer consider me as your friend. You are not alone, even if this is a battle you have to fight alone. I can't fight it for you. But I can be there. I can laugh at you when you fall and then give you a hand to crawl back up. That's my way. Love it or hate it. Take it or leave it. Doesn't change the fact that I care. I do. Believe it or not.
It means something when I call someone friend. Everything you say means something, doesn't it? We don't say or do things lightly. Others don't understand. Hell, I might not understand wtf you're trying to say, because only you know every single bit of the meaning you put in the things you see. You know all the references. Just like I know all of my own. But that's ok. There's no such thing as perfect understanding. That's why we have fanfics. XD
So. I'm talking in circles by now. I'll stop, and then you can talk to me, or not talk to me, as you wish. We've grown distant, I admit. But I have so few friends, and I don't want to lose any of them. I think of everyone, not always, but I try. They are important to me in my own ways. As are you. Don't forget that. You are important. You mean something. Even though I like to bully you a lot. :P Bad habit, I guess. I won't promise to change though. We'll see what happens. XD
Ok it's like freaking 1am and I have to wake up for work early nooooo. So yeah. Feel free to disturb me at any time. You'll be doing me a favor because I hate my job and need distractions. =D Hope you get better, physically, mentally, and emotionally!
...and damn it, I talk too fucking much. *facepalm*
...You know who I am right? :P
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